The rants of a constantly ticking mind, combined with a mess of reviews and obscure titling methods.

Friday, October 08, 2004

It's kicking in. I can feel it.

The sickness is coming, the disease. It's in me right now and there's nothing I can do. Why today? Why of all days is an illness deciding to manifest itself in me. My frame wants to vomit, but I do not. The mind is being seperated from the body in a way. I still feel in control, but yet I feel completely out of control.
My mind is full of images. Photographs, paintings, art. Not my own, but art from books, papers, magazines, advertising. It's reminding me I should be somewhere else. Doing something else. Thinking about it deteriorates my condition. I hate the way that I cannot think of anything else. I want to sleep, hide from the world right now. Pretend I'm not here so people can't see me.
I'm glad I'm having this mid-term crisis right at the start of it in a way. It's gets my fear, my inadequacies as a student out the way. I wish sometimes that it didn't affect me like this. I understand now that the sickness, the fear, the prickling sensation in the back of my neck, the shivering, the anguish and the depression are all one and the same.
I'm starting to notice that my mind is slowly becoming less like my own. I'm changing mentally. I'll read these passages back and be able to remember what I was feeling, and yet people will struggle to comprehend it. Oh god, I'm becoming one of them.... I'm becoming an art student.
I feel that if I let myself go and be changed, then I fear I'll start seeing the world differently. That I'll start hanging round in trendy arty places, start discussing what writers were thinking when they wrote a certain passage in a book and why, etc. etc. blah blah blah.
The colour printer apparently has 'FIERY' as a fault. Should that be 'FIREY'? If so, I fear for my safety as I do not want to be printing something and then a jet of flame gets produced.
I'm still feeling like I have a form of food poisoning. Maybe it is that. *dies*

Nah, maybe not *alives*
I'm feeling no better. I hope that Chrissey's OK. She sounded like she was in a huge amount of pain. I just hope that there's nothing wrong. Oh well.


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